With the lack of respect the WSOP and Harrah's is showing the media, especially bloggers, this year it reminded me a bit of Clerks so in that vein...

(With apologies to DrPauly, Otis, and AlCantHang, on second thought forget Al he won't be offended anyways)

DrPauly: You know who I could do without? I could do without the idiots in the tournament.
Otis: Which ones?
DrPauly: All of them.
[a series of vignettes]
Tournament Director: What would you get for a six-year-old who chronically wets his bed?
AlCantHang: Nothing, Negreanu ain't welcome in Press Row this year.
Confusioned First Time Poker Reporter: So, where is the World Series of Poker?
[zoom out to see a huge sign that says "WSOP 2006" directly above her]
Blonde Railbird: Have you seen that guy who was on ESPN last year?
DrPauly: They never chase quality players. They always pick the most intellectually devoid players in the
building.
Blonde Railbird: OOOOH! Josh Arieh!
-
Scene: Heads up Match for WSOP Event
First Time Poker Reporter: On TV they say so much, but they never tell you if the players are any good... are either one of these any good?
DrPauly: What?
First Time Poker Reporter: Are either one of these players any good?
DrPauly: I don't watch players.
First Time Poker Reporter: Well, have you heard anything about either one of them?
DrPauly: I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs.
First Time Poker Reporter: You mean you've haven't heard anybody say anything about either one of these?
DrPauly: Nope.
First Time Poker Reporter: [Turns around, then points Dr. Pauly to the same players] Well, what about these two?
DrPauly: Oh, they suck.
First Time Poker Reporter: These are the same two players! You weren't paying any attention!
DrPauly: No, I wasn't.
First Time Poker Reporter: I don't think the Tournament Director would appreciate...
DrPauly: I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.
First Time Poker Reporter: I beg your pardon?
DrPauly: Your ruse; your cunning attempt to trick me.
First Time Poker Reporter: I was only pointing out that you weren't paying any attention to what I was saying!
DrPauly: And, I hope it feels good.
First Time Poker Reporter: You hope WHAT feels good?
DrPauly: I hope it feels so good to be right. There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the
shortcomings of others, is there?
First Time Poker Reporter: Well, this is the last time I cover a World Series of Poker!
DrPauly: You'll be missed.
First Time Poker Reporter: Screw you!
[leaves]
DrPauly: [runs to the door] Hey! Wanna go to the Strip Club with us later?
-
Flipchip: But you hate tournaments.
DrPauly: Yes, but I love gambling. Isn't it ironic?
-
AlCantHang: Hey, I'm gonna grab a bottle of SoCo.
Poker Hospitality Suite Bartender: If you grab a SoCo, then everyone's gonna grab one.
AlCantHang: So?
Poker Hospitality Suite Bartender: So, who's gonna pay for all these SoCos?
AlCantHang: What do you care, you Hairjell-smellin motherfucker?
Poker Hospitality Suite Bartender: Hey, I have a responsibility here. I can't have everybody grabbing
free drinks.
AlCantHang: Responsibility? What responsibility? You're in Las Vegas!
DrPauly: He's blunt, but he's got a point.
Poker Hospitality Suite Bartender: Will you let me maintain some semblance of managerial control here?
AlCantHang: No, all I'm sayin' is that if you're gonna be insubordinate, you might as well go the full nine,
not pussy out when it comes to free shit to drink.
DrPauly: He's right, as if we're suddenly gonna have a run on SoCo.
AlCantHang: Fuckin' A!
Poker Hospitality Suite Bartender: All right! Jesus! You fucking poker bloggers are pushy!
-
DrPauly: Some guy came into Media Row bitchin’ about a bad beat. He wouldn’t pay the dollar for us to hear the story. So I tore up his check for a 23rd place finish.
Otis: Shocking abuse of authority.
DrPauly: Hey, I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.
-
DrPauly: Fine then, just let me borrow your car.
Grubby: What for?
DrPauly: I want to go gamble in a casino.
Grubby: You work at a casino!
DrPauly: I work at a shitty casino! I want to go to a good casino and find some good fish!
-
[DrPauly walks up to Reserved for DrPauly seat on Media Row]
First Time Poker Reporter: Guy ain't here yet.
DrPauly: You're kidding? It's almost 6:30.
First Time Poker Reporter: I know. I've been here since four.
DrPauly: Man, I hate it when they don’t even bother to come to work!
First Time Poker Reporter: I would have gone to work the rails, but the Tournament Director promised me the seat if the guy ain’t here by seven.
DrPauly: Really?
First Time Poker Reporter: Yup.
DrPauly: You came for this seat, too? That's the seat I came here for.
First Time Poker Reporter: I have first dibs.
DrPauly: Says who?
First Time Poker Reporter: Says me. I've been here for a two and half-hours. I'd call that first dibs.
DrPauly: It ain't going to happen, my friend. I'm getting that seat.
First Time Poker Reporter: Like hell you are.
DrPauly: I'll bet you 20 bucks you don't get that seat.
First Time Poker Reporter: 20 bucks?
DrPauly: 20 bucks.
First Time Poker Reporter: All right, asshole, you're on.
-
DrPauly: Who did you pee next to?
Otis: What?
DrPauly: What Poker Player did you pee next to?
Otis: What? Why do you need that?
DrPauly: I'm about to post "Last 5 Pros I Pissed Next To...", I have three, but need two more. So many damn tourists I haven't seen a Pro in my last two trips.
Otis: Make up somebody!
DrPauly: My readers demand authenticity, if it ain't my pee yours will have to do...
Otis: Pauly, your nuts!
DrPauly: Names!
Otis: David Williams, Marcel, and Liz Lieu
DrPauly: Liar!
Otis: Okay, David Singer.
DrPauly: Thanks, I had Marcel, but the other two will finish my list.